Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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