y did u give ur computer a hand job?
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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