If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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