If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
