Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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