I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
