i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
the condom got lost in my hair
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
