Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
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We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
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I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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