So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
