We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
