dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
