I am spending my child support on dildos
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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