she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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