oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
