just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
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I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
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This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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