So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
