We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
