I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
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Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy sore nipples Batman
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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