fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The adults are the big ones right?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
