I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
