Umm I'm too high to move.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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