Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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