marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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