i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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