Moan for me like Helen Keller
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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