Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Randomize
