After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
