I bet he comes in French.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
