ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
