your thong is hanging out like whoa
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
There r osticjed everywhere
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
