U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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