Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
