Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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