Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
well you can't waste a boner
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
