is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
