On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
