Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize