I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
