What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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