There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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