I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
