I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
