Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Boobs are out for the taking
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
