pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
