OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize
