I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
