So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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