I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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