Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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