My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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