i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
