Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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