You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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