Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
