I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
