is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
