He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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