Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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