i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
