it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
