I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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