Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Found the puke drawer
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
