if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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