Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
