I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
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I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
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she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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