how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
im on a boat
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