How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
