Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
