Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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