Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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