u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
