ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
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New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
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Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?