did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica