whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
