Texts From Last Night

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  (443): View more from Maryland

  He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.

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  (443): He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep. http://tfl.nu/lshi
  Replies (27) Good night (1599) Bad night (5045)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.

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  (781): today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby. http://tfl.nu/f0c2
  Replies (96) Good night (17034) Bad night (1541)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.

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  (502): battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever. http://tfl.nu/blg1
  Replies (4) Good night (4002) Bad night (893)
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  (607): View more from New York

  When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.

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  (607): When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up. http://tfl.nu/oiun
  Replies (10) Good night (4774) Bad night (1085)
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  (562): View more from California

  I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.

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  (562): I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight. http://tfl.nu/kfwj
  Replies (9) Good night (5324) Bad night (1069)
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  (516): View more from New York

  She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.

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  (516): She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her. http://tfl.nu/vneo
  Replies (3) Good night (915) Bad night (3070)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  That's science, my friend. Boner science.

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  (937): That's science, my friend. Boner science. http://tfl.nu/d39q
  Replies (7) Good night (3213) Bad night (1133)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.

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  (337): so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now. http://tfl.nu/ckx3
  Replies (14) Good night (923) Bad night (2350)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?

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  (405): Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card? http://tfl.nu/2f9h
  Replies (8) Good night (1862) Bad night (1086)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit

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  (720): I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit http://tfl.nu/p0py
  Replies (5) Good night (679) Bad night (1036)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.

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  (780): A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have. http://tfl.nu/oqu8
  Replies (7) Good night (639) Bad night (1298)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me

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  (215): Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me http://tfl.nu/zwz8
  Replies (7) Good night (739) Bad night (1024)
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  (61): View more from Australia

  Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair

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  (61): Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair http://tfl.nu/j3o5
  Replies (7) Good night (618) Bad night (448)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm about to be a big disappointment.

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  (405): Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake. (405): I'm about to be a big disappointment. http://tfl.nu/y7r2
  Replies (2) Good night (794) Bad night (437)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.

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  (205): I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good. http://tfl.nu/87eb
  Replies (6) Good night (389) Bad night (621)

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