We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I think I sprained my soul last night
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago