she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.