Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar