White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done