Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
