I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
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I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...