Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.

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  (202): Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around. http://tfl.nu/2wok
  Replies (7) Good night (531) Bad night (907)
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  (432): View more from Texas

  So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..

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  (432): So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone.. http://tfl.nu/o0ep
  Replies (18) Good night (628) Bad night (4280)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.

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  (319): he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me. http://tfl.nu/lhdj
  Replies (53) Good night (980) Bad night (4429)
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  (408): View more from California

  there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing

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  (408): there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing http://tfl.nu/z6st
  Replies (12) Good night (2989) Bad night (972)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.

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  (617): I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made. http://tfl.nu/enkt
  Replies (8) Good night (1096) Bad night (3388)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.

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  (617): I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples. http://tfl.nu/l51o
  Replies (10) Good night (1035) Bad night (2980)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.

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  (270): I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die. http://tfl.nu/gibq
  Replies (12) Good night (1174) Bad night (4943)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  She bit a glass in half.

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  (250): She bit a glass in half. http://tfl.nu/3ugo
  Replies (11) Good night (1283) Bad night (3366)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride

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  (702): Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride http://tfl.nu/xs6r
  Replies (9) Good night (3607) Bad night (1157)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up

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  (270): Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up http://tfl.nu/1xaw
  Replies (3) Good night (917) Bad night (495)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.

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  (918): If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off. http://tfl.nu/c8gb
  Replies (7) Good night (940) Bad night (340)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.

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  (317): I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child. http://tfl.nu/h99a
  Replies (4) Good night (931) Bad night (329)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time

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  (859): Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time http://tfl.nu/a2fb
  Replies (5) Good night (710) Bad night (268)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"

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  (425): Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes" http://tfl.nu/k3vr
  Replies (5) Good night (153) Bad night (405)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!

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  (306): had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function! http://tfl.nu/xw78
  Replies (1) Good night (257) Bad night (314)

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