If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
